How to Deal With The Anxiety of New Neighbours

One of the unknowns about moving into a new home is that you can never be sure just what your new neighbours are going to be like.

And even though you may have found the most perfect home, in an idyllic location, having good or bad neighbours can impact massively on the whole experience and can certainly affect your quality of life.

As much as you may be anxious about the neighbours you are moving next door to, the neighbours may be worrying about what the people moving next door to them will be like.

The anxiety caused by neighbours can be a very real problem for many people.

However, both you and your new neighbours may be asking yourselves the same questions, they may be just as anxious as you.

Do they have a dog that barks non-stop? Do they have unruly kids? Do they party till 3 o’clock in the morning every day?

With the paper-thin walls that many homes are built with these days, noise can especially be a cause of anxiety and stress between neighbours.

But that is only one of the things that you may be worried and stressed about concerning your new neighbours so in this week’s home moving blog we will look at coping with all aspects of new neighbour anxiety.

You may also like to know: How to Make Friends in Your New Neighbourhood. Getting to know your new neighbours and people in your new neighbourhood can be crucial in helping you settle into a new area. In this guide, we offer some tips on how to expand your social circle in an unfamiliar place.

How to Handle New Neighbour Anxiety

How do you deal with the anxiety of new neighbours?

First off you must recognise that it is perfectly natural to be anxious about new neighbours, but also not to let that anxiety ruin your life.

You could easily wind yourself up into a frenzy imagining how bad the new neighbours will be, but it is just as easy to imagine how wonderful they will be too.

The reality is that of course there are bad neighbours, but there are equally wonderful neighbours too, and it is often how you interact with people that influences which way they behave towards you.

And it is the fear of the unknown, of moving into a neighbourhood that you don’t know, of the change to the status quo that causes so much anxiety.

The best way to handle new neighbour anxiety is to try to manage the unknown as best you can.

The neighbours before you could have been the neighbours from hell and the locals will welcome you with open arms.

But you won’t know until you actually talk to your new neighbours.

And that is the key to handling anxiety, face your fears and communicate.

When you have new neighbours make the effort to introduce yourself and let them know what a wonderful quiet neighbourhood they have moved into.

Subtly let them know that noise can be a problem if you live in a terraced home for example.

You could use phrases like:

“The walls are really thin in these houses so if I make any noise that disturbs you just let me know”

“Do you work shifts? We avoid using the lawnmower until lunchtime as Lucy over there works nights so we try to be as considerate as possible”

Just simple phrases will help establish rules and let them know how they are expected to behave.

Agree on a way to let each other know if you are disturbing each other, for example, a quick text.

So, before the new neighbours arrive, or before you move in, have a game plan.

Work out how you can subtly tell the neighbours how you appreciate a quiet life, or how everyone in the street has a favourite car parking space.

Set out your expectations and explain how the local niceties help create a harmonious community in a subtle way, with a happy and smiling demeanour.

And for some reason, it is also more tolerable to have a noisy neighbour if you actually like them.

So take the trouble to say hello and make small talk. Be friendly, be the neighbour that you hope they are, even take a housewarming gift.

Life is full of what-ifs. Worrying about what the new neighbours are like is not going to change anything. But your positive attitude and friendliness may.

You may also like to read: What is the Fear of Moving Home and How to Overcome It. The anxiety of new neighbours is just one of the fears that many people have about moving home. In this guide, we examine the fears that people face about moving home and how to overcome them.

How Do You Talk to Your New Neighbours?

As we already know, just talking to our new neighbours is a good way to alleviate our anxiety and will help create a harmonious relationship with them.

But if you suffer from social anxiety or just don’t know how to start the conversation, then here are some ideas to help you break the ice.

• Wave and say Hi. You can start off gently if you are the shy kind. A simple good morning, smile, and a wave is a good start.
• Ask questions. There are sure to be things that you are unsure of about your new home and area. Asking a few questions like when is bin day, where can you buy such and such, or where the best place to walk the dog is will help break the ice.
• Take an interest. If they are in their garden pruning, for example, compliment them on how good their garden looks, and ask what plants grow well, and what plants to avoid. If they are cleaning their car compliment them on what a good job they are doing.
• Get out. Getting out and about, taking a walk, going to work or the shops, you will invariably see the same people regularly. After a few times of simple greetings, it will be easier to strike up a conversation. The more time you spend outside, even pottering about in the garden, the more likely you are to see your neighbours and be able to strike up a conversation with them.
• Kids. If you and your neighbours have kids this can be a great conversation starter. You can ask about playgroups or schools, community clubs, or out-of-school activities.
• Clothing. If your new neighbours are wearing a sports-related top for example this is another topic you have found to talk about. Keep an eye on the sports news and next time you see them you will have something to talk about. Equally, if they have a particular style of clothing you can pay them a compliment or ask about the type of local clothes stores there are.
• Join community groups. Joining neighbourhood watch, for example, will show that you are keen to support your local community and that you value a safe and secure neighbourhood.
• Observe. Just casually notice what people are carrying, for example, a book or instrument. This is another topic of conversation you have just found.
• Keep up to date. Watch the news and listen to local radio. They will both give you topics of conversation.
• Share. Just sharing over the garden fence a slice of cake you just baked is a great ice breaker, who refuses a gift?
• Social media. Join local social media groups. Invariably you will find that your neighbours are members and this gives you another topic of conversation or way to say hello. There is also a practical benefit to having local social media friends, if your dog escapes, or the fence gets blown down the neighbours will know how to contact you without you having to give them your personal number if you feel uncomfortable doing that at first.
• Neutral ground. Striking up a conversation on neutral ground, such as the street or in the garden, will make the first conversation easier as you can keep the interaction as short or as long as you want. Inviting a stranger into your home can seem more invasive and intimidating.

You may also like to read: Moving Home as an Introvert. Tips to Make Moving Home Easier. Not everyone is comfortable striking up conversations with new people so in this guide we look at ways to make moving home easier if you are an introvert.

How Do You Deal With an Unfriendly Neighbour?

In an ideal world, all your new neighbours will be super friendly and you will live in an ideal community of like-minded individuals.

The reality is there is nearly always an unfriendly neighbour in the street.

There can be any number of reasons why someone does not want to connect with their neighbours, it is no reflection on you.

Many of us live in multi-cultural societies where not everyone will speak English, or perhaps they are deaf or hard of hearing, and some people just do not want to socialise.

They could also suffer from social anxiety disorder, more of which later in this article.

Don’t waste your time gossiping or leaving negative comments on social media about your unfriendly neighbour.

This could cause more trouble than it is worth, and also, as a new neighbour, you will unlikely know the reason for that person’s unfriendliness.

We all have off-days or are lost in our own thoughts, or are dealing with traumas in our lives that are nobody else’s business, and there is no law that says that our neighbours must be our friends.

It costs you nothing to still say hi or smile, but if you get zero response, don’t waste time and effort worrying about it.

Just carry on being your happy, sociable, smiling self, enjoying the relationships with neighbours who want to be friends.

You may also like to read: How to Avoid Culture Shock When Moving Home. Even moving a few miles could open you up to a whole new culture which will only add to your social anxiety. In this guide, we look at the whole subject of culture shock and how to avoid it.

How to Deal With Stressful Neighbours

In the real world, not every neighbour is likely to be perfect, and you may experience some stress caused by noisy or inconsiderate neighbours.

Coping with bad neighbours is as much about your levels of tolerance and acceptance as what constitutes a bad neighbour.

What is intolerable for one person may be just slightly annoying to another.

But of course, there comes a stage where tolerance is no longer an option and the problem has to be resolved.

So what can you do about nuisance neighbours or neighbour disputes?

• Talk to the neighbour. In the first instance, a gentle word may be all it takes. They may not even be aware of the problem they are causing. Be friendly and polite, be reasonable and approach them in a neutral place or over the garden fence when you are calm and can talk in a relaxed way. Have some examples of when their behaviour was unacceptable to you and the effect it had on you, but do so in a way that is not accusatory. Offer a possible solution such as them forewarning you when they intend to have a party or agree that music should be at a certain level after 10pm at night.
• Write a note. If you do not feel comfortable, or feel unsafe facing your neighbour, then a well-written but polite note may do the trick.
• Talk to their landlord. If the neighbours rent their property then a letter to their landlord is worth considering.
• Keep records. If after talking to them or sending them a letter the problem persists then you may need to involve the authorities. Keep a log of incidents that bother you and keep copies of any letters you send. You might consider filming or recording incidents as evidence but be careful that you are not breaking any laws or that they catch you filming them as that may inflame the situation.
• Environmental Services. It may be that if your complaint is due to noise the local council can assist you in resolving the situation. You can find your local environmental officers’ contact details at www.gov.uk   
• Involve the Police. Should your complaint be about illegal activities or you feel threatened or abused in any way you should contact your local Police on 112.
• Take court action. Your final course of action is to take legal action, although you may incur costs doing so. You get can free legal advice from www.citizensadvice.org. You can also seek the services of a legal advisor in your area who specialises in neighbour disputes. The Law Society will be able to put you in touch with them.

You may also like to read: Help – I Can’t Settle in my New Home. It may be that you find the neighbours stressful because you don’t feel settled in your new home or area. Their behaviour is another added worry. In this guide, we look at the best ways to help you settle into a new home and a new area which may help alleviate some of the stress you are feeling.

How to Deal With Anxiety and Stress From a Noisy Neighbour

Noise is probably one of the most common reasons for conflict between neighbours, and hopefully, just by talking to your neighbour, you will be able to resolve the problem.

It may also be that you are less tolerant of noise than others so there are a few things you can do to help lessen the impact of noise on your life, thereby reducing your stress and anxiety.

• Move your bed away from walls that adjoin your neighbour’s home
• Fit double glazing
• Thick carpets or rugs will help dampen noise, especially if you live in a flat
• Fitting real wood doors instead of hollow doors will decrease how sound travels through your home
• Heavy curtains will also help deaden noise
• You could even consider soundproofing adjoining walls, ceilings, or whole rooms.
• Use noise-cancelling headphones to listen to calming music
• Getting a white noise machine also helps in a lot of cases

If you can take some or all of the steps above to reduce the noise levels, you will reduce your stress levels.

You could also consider listening to natural and calming soundtracks, like waterfalls for example.

Stress is a vicious circle.

The more you worry about the noise, the more you will notice it, and soon even the smallest noise will trigger your stress and anxiety.

Of course, if the noise levels are truly unacceptable on a regular basis then getting the authorities involved may be your easiest solution.

You may also like to read: How to Soundproof Your Home and Garden. In this guide, we look at simple but effective ways to soundproof your new home and garden to not only reduce the noise from your neighbours but also reduce any noise you may be transmitting to your neighbours.

What Are The Symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder?

Social anxiety is the fear, anxiety, and avoidance of social interaction with others.

This is more than the usual shy, naturally reserved personality that is normal and common.

Social anxiety is when the level of discomfort with social interaction interferes with the ability to function on a daily basis.

It may be useful for you if we look at what the symptoms of social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, are.

According to www.mayoclinic.org social anxiety disorder can manifest itself in the following ways:

• The intense fear of interacting with other people
• The worry that you will embarrass yourself in front of others
• That people will critically judge you
• Avoiding situations where you are the centre of attention
• The fear of attending events or meeting people

Physically, social anxiety disorder can manifest itself as:

• Increased heart rate
• Blushing
• Sweating
• Shakes
• Muscle tension
• Nausea or upset stomach
• Lightheadedness

There are any number of reasons that someone can be affected by social anxiety, but with help, it can be treated.

If you suffer from social anxiety to the point that it is affecting the quality of your life then it is advised that you seek medical help.

The anxiety caused by neighbours is usually much more of a problem in built-up areas, but living in the countryside too you may experience anxiety, but for different reasons.

Farmers and country folk tend to start their day early so that they can make the most of the lighter days in summer, or work late into the evening to harvest crops.

Although you may find that annoying if you have never lived in the country before, it is just a fact of life.

The point is that some levels of noise are unavoidable, some are a product of our environment, and others are totally avoidable.

You may also like to read: How to Deal With Emotional Overload Moving Home. Moving home is a melting pot of emotions. In this guide, we discover what the symptoms of emotional overload are and how we can manage our emotions.

Each of us has different tolerance levels and also differing levels of stress or anxiety in other areas of our lives.

It pays to try and get on with neighbours as well as you can, whether that is being a friendly neighbour or just ignoring them.

Causing conflict usually only results in a more stressful life.

There are far more good people in the world than bad and the UK is a crowded place to live, so give your new neighbours the benefit of the doubt, be the good neighbour, and try to resolve any issues that do arise in a friendly way, legal action should always be a last resort.