How to Overcome Loneliness After Moving Home

In this week’s home moving blog you can expect to discover:

• Alone or Lonely?
• Why Do You Feel Lonely?
• How to Make Loneliness Your Strength
• Ways to Overcome Loneliness After Moving Home

When I mentioned this topic to a colleague he said “Oh, you mean how to make friends in a new city”.

No, I mean quite the opposite, although new friendships may develop along the way that is not the aim of this article.

Feeling lonely after a home move is natural. You may have moved away from family and friends, to a new city or country, and certainly away from everything that was familiar and comforting.

The problem these days is that it is so easy to connect with people on social media, or we may have always lived in the same place, that we have forgotten how to be emotionally alone, how to make the most of that emotion, and use it to our advantage.

Whilst being lonely and socially isolated can be damaging to your health, both physical and mental, loneliness can also be empowering.

So, rather than dwell on the downsides of loneliness, here we want to embrace it, to see loneliness as an asset, a tool to make you a better, stronger person, and to make your life more fulfilling and rewarding.

Ultimately we want to use loneliness to make your relocation and your new life a success.

Alone or Lonely?

There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

Being alone is physically being on your own whereas being lonely is an emotional state where you feel disconnected from those around you.

It is common to feel lonely even when in a home full of people, where you have no emotional or physical interaction with them.

Being alone does not make you lonely. You can be perfectly happy being alone, the loneliness comes when you want a physical or emotional connection.

You may also like to read: Can’t Find a Place to Live? Have You Considered Intentional Community Living? Many people find making friends or being a part of a community with like-minded people hard to find. Intentional communities are where a group of people with the same interests or goals live. If you really are feeling lonely then intentional community living could help.

Why Do You Feel Lonely?

Loneliness is a state of mind that is exasperated by the use of social media, social stigma, and our own perceptions.

Social media is designed to connect people and encourage people to share their every waking moment. Aside from those who do post every waking moment (who cares if you are in a queue in Tesco?) most people cherry-pick what they choose to post.

Those posts are designed to make you go ‘Wow I wish that was me’ or to influence how you think and feel.

So one of the best ways to combat loneliness is to turn off your social media so that you can focus on your own wants and needs without the outside influence of others.

Secondly, we need to accept that feeling lonely is perfectly natural, humans are tribal, and we are engineered to live in groups. It is only natural therefore to seek company and human interaction.

There is a social stigma around being on your own, the thought that you could possibly be happy and content on your own does not enter into it. The 2.2 kids’ family life, or being surrounded by friends is promoted everywhere, so we are programmed to think that’s what we need to lead a happy life.

But we don’t, it is perfectly possible to be happy with our own company.

Finally, being bombarded by these allegedly social norms, by what we should and should not have or do, skews our own thinking that there must be something wrong with us, that people do not like us, or we think that we are strange in some way.  

But loneliness is just an emotion that says it is time to make some changes.

If you are lonely in a group of friends then maybe you have outgrown that social circle and it is time to look for a more stimulating group of friends.

If you are lonely because you have too much free time on your hands then fill your time constructively.

Loneliness is not a bad thing, there is nothing wrong with you as a person, it is an opportunity to identify what changes need to be made in your life.

You may also like to read: How to Make Friends in Your New Community. Whilst loneliness can be a constructive state of mind there is no denying that we need human interaction, support, and love. No matter how old we are, finding friends in a new place can be a challenge. Here we offer some ideas on how to make friends in your new area.

How to Make Loneliness Your Strength

Driving to work this morning I was listening to the Miley Cyrus song Flowers and it struck me how the lyrics are a perfect anthem for combating loneliness:

I can buy myself flowers, Write my name in the sand, Talk to myself for hours, Say things you don’t understand, I can take myself dancing, I can hold my own hand. Yeah, I can love me better than you can.

Being alone in a new city can help us to understand that we don’t need other people to make us happy, the strongest and most fulfilling happiness is found within ourselves, not externally.

When we move to a new place where we know no one we can often rush into trying to make new friends and into building a new social circle, choosing quantity over quality, often leading us to make some poor choices.

Those poor choices can lead to an even lonelier existence because you may not have anything in common, there may be no emotional connection, and they may add nothing to your quality of life.

So before rushing in and accepting every invite you receive, take time to discover the advantages of being lonely. Rather than dwell on feeling something is missing from your life, concentrate on the benefits of being on your own.

• Productive and Creative time. We can use loneliness to help us identify what our strengths are, and what we are capable of physically and mentally, which will turn our loneliness into productive or creative solitude. Many of the world’s finest artists and scientists do their best work when they are alone, so can you.
• Become a Confident Decision Maker. You can make your own decisions based on your needs, wants, or desires without being swayed by any outside influences. You will learn to make decisions and be confident in those decisions.
• Promote Mental Well-being. Use your alone time to do the things that make you happy, be that painting, reading, walking, or doing a jigsaw. Doing what makes you happy is great for your mental well-being.
• Improve Relationships. Being lonely can actually improve relationships because you learn to value and appreciate the quality time you spend with them.
• Start a Hobby. A new start in life often includes a new hobby. So rather than feeling lonely, feel motivated, you now have the time and opportunity to start that new hobby.
• Discover New Things. Expand your mind by discovering new things, learning new skills, or disappearing down the rabbit hole of a topic that is totally new to you but you have always been curious about.

You may like to read: How to Make Your Home Feel More Relaxing. One of the benefits of loneliness is the opportunity to have time to do things. Making your home a refuge of relaxation is a great way to use that time for your well-being. In this guide, we have some great tips to make your home a sanctuary of peace and relaxation.

So now we know ways to make loneliness an asset we can use that knowledge to make our new life happier and more fulfilling.

Ways to Overcome Loneliness After Moving Home

If there is one thing that is going to stop you from feeling lonely in a new place it is getting a dog.

Dogs will give you unconditional love, will provide companionship, will make you get out to explore your new area, and will even help you build a social circle.

Taking your dog for a walk each day you will start to see familiar faces, you will strike up conversations with other dog walkers, and you could even attend training classes, all of which are going to get you out of the house and meeting people.

And when you come home from work you will be greeted with more love than any human could ever give you, they will not question your decisions, moan about you leaving the bathroom in a mess, or start meaningless arguments.

Getting a dog is not a decision to take lightly but can have a hugely positive impact on your happiness.

One of the great things about moving to an unfamiliar place is that gives you the opportunity to try things that you have never done before, there is nobody to judge you and steer you away from what you really want to do.

So use that opportunity to start a new hobby or sport, to do what you have always wanted to do but have been held back from doing by others.

Your new area may also open up opportunities that you have never had before, there may be music venues, places where you can rock climb, or volunteer.

Volunteering is a great way to meet like-minded people, learn new skills, share your skills, and broaden your life experiences.

Your new neighbourhood may have museums that could open up a new interest for you that may also have local groups that you could join, archeology for example.

Maybe you have moved into a really old building and are interested to find out more about the history of the building, there may be a local history group you could join.

You may also like to read: How to Research the History of a House. In this guide, we offer practical tips on ways to discover the history of your home, how to determine how old your home is, and even how to create a time capsule to leave for the next owners.

Try to create routines, maybe go for a walk in the park at the exact same time every day, people are creatures of habit and you will soon get to see the same faces every day and eventually may strike up conversations.

Time is an extremely precious commodity, we all have so little of it.

If you have the time to feel lonely that is a blessing. It means you have the time and opportunity to do things for yourself when you can indulge in pampering yourself both physically and emotionally.

Use the opportunity to connect with your new surroundings, and to make your new place into the home you always wanted.

Put your lonely times to good use, there may come a time in the future when you wish you had time alone. Life changes constantly along with your emotions and thoughts. Turn those feelings of loneliness into a catalyst to make yourself do things to change your life for the better.

Remember that you are not lonely, your mind is just telling you that are evolving into the next phase of your life, so embrace that opportunity and use this time wisely.