Commonly referred to as empty nest syndrome, many parents will feel a sense of grief, anxiety, and loneliness when their children move out of the family home.
That is no surprise really, being a parent is an all-consuming role, every moment of every day for nearly two decades you have dedicated your life to ensuring the well-being and development of your child.
But there comes a time when your child will need, or want, to move out of the family home, whether that is moving away to college, or university, for work, to be with a partner, or to experience life in the outside world on their own.
So now you face the prospect of a home and a life without that intense daily focus, without that sense of purpose.
And even though you knew this moment would come, some emotional turmoil is inevitable.
The good news is that these feelings are perfectly normal and, in time, you will embrace these changes and embark upon an exciting new chapter in your life.
Essential reading: How to Move Out of Your Parent’s Home. An invaluable guide for young people moving out of the family home. From how to set a budget for living expenses, and how to move cheaply, to how to save money on living expenses, a really useful guide when leaving home for the first time.
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Moving out of the family home is as daunting for the parent as it is for the child
Empty nest syndrome is the negative emotions felt by the parent when a child leaves the family home. Often parents will experience a sense of loss, anxiety, depression, sadness, and fear.
These emotions are not exclusive to when children are leaving home, stay-at-home parents can also experience empty nest syndrome when a child starts school for example.
If your sibling is moving into a shared house they may like to read: The Ultimate Guide to Moving Into a Shared House in which we offer lots of practical and useful advice to people moving into a shared house for the first time.
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Although not a recognized clinical condition, empty nest syndrome is common.
Empty nest syndrome is most likely to affect people who are, or were, full-time, stay-at-home parents as they tend to have the closest bond with the child.
However, it is not uncommon for a full-time working parent to experience empty nest syndrome because of a sense of guilt over the lost time that they could have spent with the child when they were growing up.
It is also common not to experience empty nest syndrome. People face change in different ways, some fear it and others embrace it.
If you do not experience empty nest syndrome that does not make you an uncaring parent, it is just that you accept change more easily and have a different perspective to someone who suffers greatly when their child leaves home.
What are the Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome?
Feelings of loneliness and depression are common when dealing with empty nest syndrome
The symptoms of empty nest syndrome can last from a few weeks to a year or more, although the transition from a full-time parent to independent life can take between 18 months and 2 years.
Symptoms of empty nest syndrome can include:
A Sense of Loss
Loneliness
Grief
Loss of Sense of Control
Emotional Distress
Loss of Identity
Physical Symptoms – disrupted sleeping patterns, headaches, backaches, or an upset stomach
In some cases, deep depression can form and in such cases, it would be wise to seek medical assistance from your GP.
As with most changes in life, if you prepare for them, then the actual event is less traumatic and is easier to accept.
In the UK around 50% of young adults have left home by the age of 23 although with the economic climate and housing costs rising, they are staying in the family home longer and longer.
It is usually the daughter who will leave home first either to set up a home with a partner or to attend university.
You can read more about these facts and figures at www.ons.gov.uk
The majority of parents will be aged between 40 to 60 years old when their children leave home.
This is also the time in their lives when many people are having to deal with menopause, looking after aging parents or relatives, going through a divorce, or coping with their own failing health.
When facing so much change in your life over a few short years it is no wonder that people find these years particularly hard to cope with.
But it does not have to be a period when the changes are all negative and when anxiety or depression is inevitable.
This can be a positive time, a time when you can make different life choices that may improve your quality of life or give you new interests and hobbies.
Your child may also like to read: Everything You Need to Know About Moving to College. A complete guide to moving to college for the first time with tips on how to prepare for your move, how to pack for college, how to prepare for your first day, and how to settle into college life.
How to Prepare for Your Child Leaving Home
Preparing for adult life
In the years leading up to your child leaving home, they will likely have been spending less time at home, going out with friends, and creating a social life for themselves.
You can use this time to start mentally and physically preparing for the day when they eventually move out.
The first step is to move away from the mindset that your only role in life is as a parent. You may also be a partner, husband or wife, aunt or uncle, friend, or employee.
Will not having the children around give you more time to focus on these aspects of your life?
Would you like to expand your role in one of these branches of your life?
Now would be a great time to rekindle your relationship with your partner or friends and to do more things together. Maybe you want to take on more hours at work or take a more active role in the life of nieces or nephews for example.
Think of a hobby or interest that you have always wanted to do but never had the time for. Use this time to join social media groups or local community groups to explore the options around you.
Try to focus on all the positives that will be a result of you having a home to yourself and more time for yourself.
There will be less day to day stresses
Your finances may improve
You will have time to devote to yourself and your wellbeing
You can spend time reconnecting with your partner
There will be more space in the home that you could use for a hobby maybe
You may even have the opportunity to downsize your home and release the equity to go on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday
Your relationship with your sibling will likely improve when not living under the same roof
Your sibling will transition from your child to your friend bringing a whole new aspect to your relationship
Finally, one of the best ways to prevent empty nest syndrome, and to be prepared for the day your child leaves home, is to be confident and happy that you have given your child all the life skills they need to become a competent young adult.
This may include:
Teaching them how to budget and look after their finances
Ensuring they can cook basic meals
Knowing how to work a washing machine
How to complete simple home repairs
How to shop frugally
How to keep a home clean and tidy
Personal hygiene
Knowing how to be a considerate neighbour or housemate.
Reassure your child that you are still there to support them and that the door to the family home will always be open to them.
Support them in any way you can but let them make and learn from their own mistakes. It is all part of growing into a young adult.
Have regular contact with them without ringing them every 5 minutes, they will be forging a new life for themselves too and you want to have quality time with them in the future.
Let them know you are there to help and support them if they need it.
In a short time, you will all have learned to adapt to your new lives and the times when you do meet will be quality time spent together.
You may also like to read: Small Home Moves – How to Move With No Furniture. When moving out for the first time, moving to university or college, you will likely be taking just a few possessions with you and very little or no furniture. Find out the cheapest and best moving options for an easy small move.
How Do You Cope When Your Child Moves Out?
Now is the perfect opportunity to start those hobbies you have always wanted to do
When a child leaves home it is common to feel a sense of loss of purpose, when the parent is faced with what they perceive as no direction left in their life.
The trick is to fill your time in a productive way, to find a new focus in your life.
Aside from the positives that we looked at in the previous section, this is a great opportunity to consider rewarding ways to fill not only your time but your empty home:
Foster. Fostering children is a popular way for people to use their parenting skills, make a difference in another child’s life, and make use of the time and space they now have available. Learn more about fostering at www.gov.uk
Lodgers. Take in a lodger. Not only will you get an income but you may just make a new friend. Find out more about taking in a lodger at www.citizensadvice.org.uk
Foreign Exchange Students. This is a great way to meet interesting people and make new friends. Find out more about hosting foreign students at www.ef.co.uk or www.ukguardians.co.uk
Rehome a pet. For unconditional love and companionship, nothing beats a pet. You can find out all you need to know about adopting a pet at www.rspca.org.uk or www.bluecross.org.uk
Volunteer. No matter what skills you have to offer or what your interests are, they are plenty of volunteering opportunities available in the UK. Find out what those opportunities are and how you could become a volunteer at www.gov.uk
Teach. Another great way to add value to your life is to teach. That could be anything from coaching a local football team to passing on your art or sewing skills to local groups. Local social media groups would be a great way to find any opportunities in your local area.
Exercise. Exercise is not only good for the body but the mind too. Exercise is great for helping to combat anxiety, stress, and depression as reported by The National Library of Medicine.
Not everyone experiences empty nest syndrome and you may experience it more than your partner.
If your partner has a full-time job or hobbies they may not feel the sense of loss and void in their life as much as you do.
Be open with your partner and discuss how you are feeling, explore ways that you can do new things together, perhaps go on date nights or just take the time to have conversations and reconnect so that they can offer you any support you need.
If you feel that you need extra support, or perhaps you have no one to help you through this time of transition, there are some empty nest support groups available to help you such as:
There is an empty nesters support page on Facebook
www.emptynesterclubs.co.uk has a forum, support groups, group events, and a ton of useful information about empty nester clubs near you
Moving home is a big event in anyone’s life and moving out of the family home is a huge milestone for your child.
They are likely to be finding the transition just as hard, or you may have done such an incredible job as a parent that they have all the skills they need to sail through this next phase of adulthood.
Moving from child to adult enables your relationship to move on and to have quality time together when you do meet up. They will still come to you for advice, support, and even a shoulder to cry on sometimes.
You have not lost a child but gained a very special adult friend.
Good luck with the transition to your exciting and fulfilling new life.
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