Many people will find the breakup of their relationship liberating, a huge relief, for others, the end of their relationship may have been a huge shock, and for others a sad inevitability.
For maybe years you have been part of a couple, with a vision for the future, and now you find yourself facing the immediate future without that security and life map.
The end of a marriage, or a relationship where you live with your partner, brings not only emotional turmoil but the practical complication of finding somewhere to live, the stress of dividing your belongings, and then moving out.
In this week’s home moving blog, we hope to offer you some practical advice to help make the transition from your old life to your new life a little easier and less stressful.
Before moving out of the home you share with your partner www.gingerbread.org.uk suggest that you take legal advice unless of course there is the risk of abuse or violence.
You will be able to get legal advice from any of the law centres up and down the country. You can find your local Law Centre at www.lawcentres.org.uk
How to Deal With Moving Out After a Breakup
With all the turmoil of a break-up, leave the moving to the professionals
Whether it was a mutual decision or not to break up, once the end of your relationship has come, there are the practicalities of dividing your belongings and separating your lives to face.
In the initial few days after the decision has been made to split up one or other of you may decide to decamp to the couch or to a friend’s home.
This often gives each person the space they need to think and start dealing with the situation.
Being out of each other’s space also prevents any animosity.
Only you know how your partner will react to the end of the relationship and how you should handle moving out of the home you shared.
If at any time during the breakup of your relationship you feel threatened by your partner you should seek help:
Police: 101 or 999
Womens Aid: 0808 2000 247
Mens Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
Citizens Advice England: 0800 144 8848
Citizens Advice Wales: 0800 702 2020
Citizens Advice Scotland: 0800 028 1456
Advice NI: 028 9064 5919
Avoiding conflict and drama will be in everyone’s best interest so you may choose to move out immediately to go stay with a friend, family, or even at a hotel.
If you choose to leave your home immediately then you may want to put some of your possessions into a secure storage facility.
Many removal companies will not only quickly move you out of your home but many also have storage facilities that you can use until you find a new home.
You can contact good removal companies and get an instant quote for your move and storage by filling out this quick quote form.
Alternatively, you may choose to move out when your partner is not around. If you need to move out under these circumstances then your local removal company will be able to pack and move your things quickly and easily for you.
You may also like to read How to Move Home Without Anyone Knowing. In many cases, for one reason or another, you may have to leave your home without anyone knowing where you are going. In this guide, we look at the best ways to move home without anyone knowing about your plans.
The best scenario obviously is that you mutually agree about the end of your relationship and you can arrange the logistics of moving out to suit both parties.
It is at times like these when you will especially need good friends around you. Initially, you may not be taking all your possessions with you when you move out but it would still be a good idea to have friends or family help you, both emotionally and physically.
You may also like to read: You may just need help to load a few prized possessions or some essentials into your car and the guide, How to Pack a Car When Moving Home offers you lots of tips on how to pack a car safely and efficiently when moving home.
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Your emotions will be all over the place right now, so this is not the time to make any long-term decisions.
Give yourself space and time to think. There will be lots to sort out in the coming weeks and it is not a good idea to be making hasty decisions.
Depending upon the level of drama that the split-up has caused, your need for somewhere to stay will be a top priority.
If you must leave home immediately then perhaps you could stay with a friend or with family for a few nights.
Some people will prefer to just be on their own. They can get their head around the events that are happening and get some time and space to themselves so that they can begin to think a bit straighter. In such cases booking into a hotel would be a better option.
There may be reasons why you can’t stay with friends or family or have no money for a bed and breakfast for example. In such circumstances, you could turn to Shelter or Citizens Advice who will guide you on the exact steps to take to find a safe place to stay.
Citizens Advice England: 0800 144 8848
Shelter England: 0808 800 4444
Citizens Advice Wales: 0800 702 2020
Shelter Wales: 08000 495 495
Citizens Advice Scotland: 0800 028 1456
Shelter Scotland: 0808 800 4444
Advice NI: 028 9064 5919
Shelter Northern Ireland: 034 4892 0900
In the longer term, it may make sense to rent somewhere on a short lease until you have had time to start adjusting to your new life.
Many people choose to move away from the area they lived in with their partner and if you are moving to a new area, then renting makes particularly good sense whilst you learn all about a new area.
Over the next few weeks, you are likely to want the support and help of your friends and family, and whilst there is always social media to help you keep in contact with them, having them physically close by may be more beneficial to you.
If you have a particularly good friend that you can rely upon they will be invaluable in helping you cope with the changes you are about to go through.
And another pair of hands to help you move home is always welcome.
You may like to read Things to Know When Moving Into a Rented Property for the First Time, especially if you have never done so before. There is plenty of practical advice and tips about every aspect of renting a home including the various types of contracts and costs involved.
Inevitably there will be a time when you have to discuss finances, dividing up your possessions, and what to do about the home you once shared.
Although at some point you should get legal advice or a solicitor involved, it is best if you can agree with your ex-partner on as many aspects of the separation as possible, this will save you considerable time and money in legal expenses.
Whilst you may want to take with you every item that you have ever bought, there are plenty of good reasons not to do that.
Many of those items may have emotional attachments, do you really want old memories clouding your new life?
Your home move will be far cheaper by moving fewer items
Moving home will be quicker with fewer things to pack, load, unload, and then unpack again
Whilst you may not feel like being fair, especially if you have been wronged, you should still split your belongings fairly. If it belonged to you before you got together or it was a gift to you, then those items remain yours. The same applies to your soon-to-be-ex.
Arguing over small things, and possessions is really not worth the upset. It is easier to just let it go and make the split as easy as possible.
You could also consider just selling all your possessions and splitting the proceeds evenly between the two of you.
You may like to read How to Declutter for a Home Move in which we guide you through the process of sorting out each room in your home ready for a move. The guide will help you decide which items to keep and which to get rid of, making your home move quicker and cheaper.
One of the other emotions you may be facing is having to leave a home you love. In How to Leave a Home You Love we look at how to make leaving your beloved home and moving into a new home easier.
Perhaps not surprising is that possessions are often easily divided but it is custody of the family pet that creates the most angst between splitting couples.
How to Decide Who Gets the Family Pet After a Breakup
Deciding what is best for your pet should be your main concern
Often, who gets to keep the family pet can cause a lot of upset when a couple split up.
In UK law a family pet is regarded as a possession and law courts are reluctant to get involved in disputes regarding pets.
It is in everyone’s best interest, and that of your beloved pet, that you come to an agreement between yourselves regarding your pet.
The person who can attend to the pet’s needs best, the person who was gifted the pet, or the person who bought it is usually the person who gets to keep the animal. The overriding factor though should be the pets’ welfare and who will give the animal the best life.
If you really cannot come to an agreement then you may wish to use a mediation service to help you resolve the issue.
Your children’s well-being will be your number one priority
The end of a long-term relationship can be an emotional minefield and when there are children involved the situation is even harder to cope with.
The children will obviously be your number one concern and how the split will affect them.
In due course, you will need to seek legal advice to formalize the arrangements you make for the children and in the previous sections of this guide, you will find contact details of law firms that will be able to assist you.
In the short term you will need to talk to your children and let them know what is happening:
It is best if you can have a rational discussion with your ex to establish who will have custody, visiting times, the logistics of school runs, after-school activities, etc, as well as discussing their immediate financial needs.
You and your ex should be civil to each other in front of the kids and avoid any arguing or in any way upsetting the children any more than they will be.
Often children feel secure and happy in their own homes so choose to tell them about the break up there.
Be honest with your children without going into specific details about the break-up, choosing to say that as a couple you have decided to separate rather than putting the blame on one or other of you.
How you phrase the information you give the children will depend upon their ages but deliver it in a calm way, reassuring the kids that you will both always love them and be there for them.
Reassure the children that the break-up of the relationship was in no way their fault.
Your children may have questions that you should answer without causing any hurt or animosity.
They may also go through a range of emotions from anger to grief to depression. Be there to support your children, listen to what they have to say, what their concerns are, and how they feel about the situation. There may be questions that you cannot answer yet or should not answer, so just reassure them that you will always be there for them.
You may need the support of family, friends, or teachers during the next few weeks whilst your children process the emotions they are going through. Let the school know what has happened as the children may need special support or their behaviour may change at school which you will need to be told about.
Try to establish routines as quickly after the split as possible. Do your best not to change their daily routines, they will find comfort in the familiar.
You may well find over the coming weeks that you and your children will need support from professional agencies. Here are some agencies that will be able to offer you help and support:
You may like to read: The end of a relationship can sometimes herald the start of financial worries and having to move home is often not a cheap exercise. If you find yourself in the situation of having to move home quickly with no money then the guide How to Get Help With Moving Costs will be of particular interest to you.
None of us ever know what life will throw at us next and what consequences those events will have on us.
Embrace your new life one step at a time
The end of a relationship can often be the start of a wonderful new life.
Although you may be going through difficult times initially you will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
A new beginning, a fresh start, a new life, and a new home could be just the beginning of an exciting new chapter in your life.
Embrace the change, try to stay positive, seek support when you need it, and seek solitude when you just want to breathe in your newfound freedom and appreciate all the many blessings that you have.
Take your time to adjust, think and rethink, to evaluate and make reasoned decisions. Take one day at a time, one step at a time, and your new life will be built on super solid foundations.
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